The last five years have been pretty tough on me, though that seems to be the norm for 20-somethings. But 2018 in particular was a year of upheaval: I had the worst mental breakdown I’ve ever experienced in my life, quit my third job, twisted my ankle, lost some friends, got into some major fights, zeroed out my savings. It feels like I spent most of 2018 just trying to stay afloat, alive.
But I also started the work from home life at a job that treats me very well, got to go to the US to accept an award, met tons of new friends, finished writing two short stories (hopefully three before the year’s out), got published a few times, started working on a visual novel, received funding for Worldcon 2019 in Dublin, began rebuilding my savings, returned to antidepressants after months of mental fog.
Five years ago, I would’ve labeled this year “good” or “bad.” I find that I can’t do that now. I don’t feel like I’m just stagnant or coasting anymore, but it’s not all smooth sailing either. And maybe the label isn’t important. What’s important is the most prominent lesson I learned this year–that is, to renegotiate my boundaries with my career, my loved ones, and myself.
I don’t know what 2019 will bring. But here’s hoping that the 2013-2018 problems finally begin unraveling. And even if they don’t completely go away, I hope I learn to be okay with the pace that I go at things and okay with the fact that not everyone will be okay with my pace.
Happy New Year to everyone 😊